Saint Priomhsheans' School

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Founded under the joint patronage of the Church of Ireland and the Holy Roman Catholic Church (who agreed to differ on everything except the timetable), St Príomhsheans’ School for All Abilities and None continues a proud tradition of local enlightenment dating back to the conversion of fools in the fifth century.
The School remains committed to the three pillars of education as defined by our patron saint: Sense, Sentence, and Sandwich.

Situated between the Holy Well of St Pierian and the ruins of the old Carmelite priory, the school provides an education as broad as the bog and twice as deep.

The Board of Management consists of:

• Mr Giles na Magaleen, Chairman and Patron, philosopher-in-residence, occasional benefactor of quills and opinion.
   
• Rev. Fr Sebastian O’Rea, representing the Catholic interest.
   
• Rev. Cassandra O’Rea, representing the Protestant interest.
  Together they provide what the Department of Education describes as “an ecumenical experiment; results pending.”
   

Miss Sarah O’Leany, Principal — former Presentation Sister, teacher, and visionary. Believes that geography is best learned on foot, literature aloud, and arithmetic only when unavoidable.

Miss Susan O’Leany, Junior Teacher — twin sister, Catholic in good standing, disciplinarian by vocation. Known for her precision in penmanship and exorcism of dangling participles.

Miles, Clerk and Bird-keeper — ex-poacher, current gamekeeper, supplier of quills and fresh air. Believes children should understand the origin of their ink and the moral consequences of excess writing.

The curriculum follows the National Guidelines in so far as they exist in Ballymagaleen, supplemented by:

• Classical Studies: Latin invective for beginners.
   
• Practical Theology: distinguishing sin from administrative error.
   
• Natural History: rambles around the peninsula under Miss O’Leany’s guidance.
   
• Penmanship: taught with goose quills in reverent moderation.
   
• Music: spontaneous traditional sessions in Dooley’s (after hours).
   
• Moral Philosophy: set texts include Schopenhauer (abridged) and The Gospel According to Giles.
   

Two classrooms with working inkwells, turf-heated radiance, and views over the Atlantic.
A playing field occasionally doubles as pasture; a library of uneven proportions and unpredictable alphabetisation; and the famed Goose Yard of Letters, where literacy and lunch are interdependent.

Daily Assembly alternates between hymns, silence, and Giles reading aloud from obscure manuscripts.
Pilgrimages to the Holy Well occur whenever weather or inspiration dictate.
The school maintains close ties with the Ballymagaleen Community Arts Centre, the Norman Conquistador (for catering), and Dooley’s (for remedial theology).

Applications are welcomed from all denominations, none, or undecided.
Entrance interviews are brief but searching. Bribes in kind (ink, turf, whiskey) are discouraged but not refused.

St Príomhsheans’ stands as a beacon of humane confusion — a place where learning, laughter, and local ghosts coexist peacefully, and where the light of education flickers bravely against the prevailing winds of bureaucracy.

“Educate Whenever — Foghlaim Aonuaire.”
Because ignorance never keeps school hours..