The Partialitarian Manifesto

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By Lord Giles na Magaleen, LL.D. (Dubious), F.R.S.L. (Ret’d)

Cashelmagaleen House, Feast of St Príomhsheans, anno mundi in statu confusionis perpetuae.

Whereas Totalitarianism presumes to perfect the world by flattening it,

Partialitarianism affirms that the world was already perfectly irregular. The

Almighty, in His unfathomable wisdom, created bumps, humps, headlands and

humans — none designed for uniformity. The attempt to make them all square is

the Devil’s own geometry.

The First Principle: Subsidiarity

Power shall reside where the knowledge is brewed — close to the source,

preferably in the snug. Each decision must be taken by the smallest unit competent

to decide it: the person before the parish, the parish before the province, the

province before the planet. Anything larger than a county council is a conspiracy.

The Second Principle: Partial Loyalties

We pledge ourselves not to “Humanity,” that abstract mob, but to our

neighbours, dogs, and local saints. Our patriotism is confined by hedgerows. We

hold that affection, like poitín, grows dangerous when distilled too pure.

The Third Principle: The Blessed Imperfection

Partialitarianism regards error as a sacrament. To be wrong in good humour is

holier than to be right under compulsion. The incomplete, the half-baked, and the

nearly-finished constitute the true vocabulary of freedom.

The Fourth Principle: The Small Is Sublime

Every institution shall fit comfortably inside a moderate-sized pub. Any

organisation requiring a PowerPoint presentation has already fallen. The only

acceptable mass mobilisation occurs at Lansdowne Road, and even there the

chants must remain intelligible.

The Fifth Principle: The Multiplicity of Means

There are many ways to skin a bureaucracy. Partialitarian government

recognises all forms of competent authority: parental, parochial, poetic, and

canine. Each may rule within its sphere, provided it levies no tax exceeding the

price of a round.

 The Sixth Principle: The Right to Be Otherwise

Uniformity is an aesthetic offence. Citizens of the Partialitarian Commonwealth

shall enjoy freedom of dress, doubt, and diction. Dialect is hereby enshrined as a

constitutional right.

 The Seventh Principle: The Economy of Enough

Growth, being the creed of tumours, is hereby declared non-mandatory.

Production shall be local, consumption temperate, and profit measurable in the

happiness of bar-staff. Hoarding of capital, credit, or compliments is discouraged.

The Eighth Principle: Spiritual Geography

The Holy Well of St Pierian is our foreign office; the Priory ruins, our senate.

Policy shall be formulated in the presence of turf-smoke and moderate company.

All laws expire at sunset unless renewed by common laughter.

The Pledge (not THAT Pledge)

We, the undersigned of Ballymagaleen, in recognition of the limits of our

wisdom and the absurdity of our condition, do hereby affirm our partial allegiance

to the Partialitarian Commonwealth — to small mercies, local authorities, and the

right to be left alone. May we never be whole, nor wholly ruled.

(Signed in stout and sincerity)

Giles na Magaleen

Earl of Clangiles, Baron Maughleenstown, Founding Patron of the League of

Imperfect Gentlemen.